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  1. #1
    Moderator RX951's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    League City, Texas

    Talking The English language

    Read to the end ... a new twist
    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

    2) The farm was used to produce produce.

    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

    7) Since there is no time like the present, he
    thought it was time to present the present.

    A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

    10) I did not object to the object.

    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how
    to row ...

    13) They were too close to the door to close it.

    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

    1 Upon seeing the tear in the painting,
    I shed a tear.

    19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

    20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    Let's face it -
    English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted.
    But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that: writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of
    booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one
    amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why when the stars are out they are visible but when the lights are out they are invisible.

    PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

    You lovers of the English language might enjoy this:

    There is a two-letter work that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is"UP".

    It's easy to understandUP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wakeUP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speakUPand why are the officers UPfor election, and why is it UPto thesecretary to writeUPa report ?

    We call
    UPour friends. And we use it to brighten UPa room, polish UPthe silver; we warm UPthe leftovers and cleanUPthe kitchen. We lock UPthe house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stirUPtrouble, line UPfor tickets, work UPan appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

    this UPis confusing:
    A drain must be opened
    UPbecause it is stopped UP. We open UPa store in the morning but we close it UPat night.

    We seem to be pretty mixed
    UPabout UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the wordUPin the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UPto it, you might try building UPa list of the many ways UPis used. It will take UPa lot of your time, but if you don't give UP,you may wind UPwith a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.. When the sun comes out, we say
    it is clearing UP...When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.When it doesn't rain for a while, things dryUP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, is time to shut UP!

    Oh . . . one more thing:

    What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?

  2. #2
    flyin' the friendly skies airbornexp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Mahomet, Il. USA
    you mean like this?

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