Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.

Sincerely, Unicorns





Dear Twilight fans,


Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.


Enjoy fantasizing about that.


Sincerely, Logic





Dear Icebergs,


Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.


Sincerely, The Titanic


Dear J.K. Rowling,


Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?


Sincerely, Anonymous





Dear America,


You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.


Sincerely, Canada








Dear Boyfriend,


I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.


Sincerely, Spiders








Dear Voldemort,


So they screwed up your nose too?


Sincerely, Michael Jackson








Dear Yahoo,


I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...


Sincerely, Google











Dear girls who have been dumped,


There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.


Sincerely, BP





Dear Mary,


Just admit that you slept with someone else. This is getting out of hand.


Sincerely, Joseph








Dear 2010,


So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!


Sincerely, 1985








Dear Justin Bieber,


Ariel would really love her voice back.


Sincerely, King Triton








Dear Rose,


There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.


Sincerely, Jack








Dear Windshield Wipers,


Can't touch this.


Sincerely, That Little Triangle








Dear Taylor Swift,


If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.


Sincerely, Shakespeare











Dear Soccer Fans,


B B B B B B Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z


Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z!


Sincerely, Vuvuzelas











Dear Saturn,


I liked it, so I put a ring on it.


Sincerely, God











Dear Rubik's Cube,


Done!


Sincerely, Colorblind











Dear Santa,


Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's.


Sincerely, Tiger Woods








Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,


I. Can't. Breathe.


Sincerely, Your Balls








Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,


I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream...
What now?


Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio








Dear Sleeping Beauty,


I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and totally save China for my man.


All you had to do was wake up.


Sincerely, Mulan








Dear Romeo,


My death isn't the only thing I've been faking...


Sincerely, Juliet








Dear Fox News,


So far, no news about foxes.


Sincerely, Unimpressed











Dear Sex Educators,


Abstinence is only 99.99% effective.


Sincerely, The Virgin Mary











Dear Toaster,


Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?


Sincerely, Toast











Dear Edward,


I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.


Sincerely, a stake











Dear Prince Charming,


You've got some explaining to do!


Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty