08-29-2013, 12:46 AM #1
Going through a divorce and feeling the need to call a rape hotline
I know some of you have gone through this... or Maybe in the process... We have VERY little assets and they are turning a small case into a multimillion dollar one. (Her lawyer is), I know I can't take your word for gold as this is just an internet chat board, but I'm out of money and she isn't giving up. Please offer any suggestions! My lawyer is dinging me .15 for everything, sending mail on faxes they have recieved and they have spent all my money. There is nothing to contest, I'm in the state of Texas (fort worth) and feel like the end will never, ever come. I am out of money, my parents said no more help (well I don't want to go over 5k in deubt which I will soon hit. I feel lost and hopeless. She filed it as a no contest divorce and her lawayer is now dragging her feet over our scheduled mediation date on Sept 18th, which has been set for 4 weeks. Any words of wisdom? Like I said, very Nil assets, and I'm basically willing at this point to just give up and start over. We have 3 wonderful kids together, but I can't stay bumming off my parent's for much longer. The legal system is such a joke and I am totally feeling rapped by her, my laywer and her lawyer. Words of wisdom are very much appreciated. Now that we have both wrapped up 4k in legal fees her new lawyer wants to do collabrative mediation... which I see as a circus and have no more money to keep this circus afloat. I've stressed this to my attorney and he said he understands, but I see them continuing to waste money. Am I completely hosed? This started back April 28th... I'm getting towards my wits end. Sorry for the bummer thread.
08-29-2013, 09:56 AM #2
08-29-2013, 11:30 AM #3
Well.., its a little late now for my sage advixe.
When I got divorced, the wife lawyerd-up. I told her to drop the lawyer or I won't show up. Then I told her to look around; out of all her friends that had been down that road; out of everyone she knew who had divorced - who came out on top? She thought about it, and while she was doing so, I suggested that the lawyers were the only ones who really made out.
The lawyers get all the money. The husband and wife end up hating each other.
The kids just wish it'd all go away, and things could go back to the happy little way they see things.
There's 3 kids involved here - pretty sure you'll be paying a chunk to her.
Thats fine, if you can trust her to spend it all (child support) on the kids. If not, you'll want to stipulate that you will bring clothes, food, school stuff, even pay part of the rent - as long as you get a receipt saying its applied to c/support and the court agrees.
Alimony; if she wants/gets it - thats hers to do with as she wishes.
Me, personally; I walked away.
Gave her the house, a car, everything she wanted, and didnt want. I left with 'shared custody',my clothes, my job/paycheck, and dignity. A little rough at first, but that was over with in a month or so; ...and have NEVER looked back.
Started a new life.
Yup, there were 'good times', and I choose to remember those, although I have let the rest quietly slip into the 'dead records' area of my mind.
You're probably fairly young - just let it go. Get out as cleanly as you possibly can at this point. Start over.
Sux it turned out this way - but lawyers turn into politicians, or not. Neither can be trusted with anything - except screwing everyone over for their own benefit.
Your family has fallen victim to, apparently, 2 of them. Family fairly destroyed, money gone, time to move on; "Here's your bill by the way - pay up or I'll sue you."
Sorry, there is no 'good news' here.
Look at the car(s) your/her lawyers drive(lets not even consider their homes/toys) - and what you 2 are left with; Then you ask her "why?"
That's my best advice...
08-29-2013, 12:30 PM #4
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
I always tell people that are going through a divorce to meet together without attorneys. Come to an agreement on property division and custody if there are children. Child support is usually set by the State based on the non custodial parent's income. Once you have things agreed to, notify the two lawyers and have one draw up the agreement and then both of you will sign the final orders. Lawyers will NEVER help you come to an agreement, they benefit by dragging it out and creating conflict. In TX, there is no alimony unless the marriage is over 10 years. Come to an agreement and get it done and focus on being a great dad to your kids.
08-29-2013, 12:43 PM #5
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Tampa, Florida
Every state has different laws regarding dissolution of marriage. For an uncontested divorce, yours may have pressed on. If it was truly uncontested from the start that to me means that you guys have agreed upon all major issues- split of property(and related issues), split of debts(any related issues), issues regarding kids, mainly timesharing, child support, and parental responsibility, alimony, attorney's fees, and whatever else you have going on out there in Texas. I would suggest that you sit down with your attorney and go over how you guys plan to approach all of these issues and address them at mediation. Mediation is a chance for you, the wife, and attorneys to sit down with the mediator and negotiate a settlement regarding, hopefully all issues. A mediated agreement helps keep costs/expenses lower, and gives the parties some control over an outcome. If you go to a final hearing or anyone of the multiple hearings in between, then the judge decides, and you have lost a degree of control in any outcome. Remember, very few people are ever happy in divorce, but can you both be resolved to conclude the matter and move on. good luck michael
08-29-2013, 01:34 PM #6
I am very sorry to read this.
The more you can get done without lawyers the better off you are.
Just because she has one does not mean you need one.
There is good advice here already but as one guy said each state has it's own laws and these are what you need to heed. Talk to friends in Texas that have been thru it.
Again respects to you as you go through this and never lose site of what's really important here: the kids.
What's good for you is good for them. If you are in a good place you will be for them to.
Best luck to you
08-30-2013, 10:57 PM #7
Q: Why are divorces so expensive?
A: Because they're worth it!
Sorry to hear you're having a rough go. I promise there is life on the other side. Stay focused on the end result, and trudge through as best you can. Don't be a push over, but don't let her see your anger, either. Vent to friends, therapists, or here. Don't vent your problems to her, or the kids. Just stick with it, man. It will all be over soon enough, but never as soon as you want. Stay strong.
08-31-2013, 12:22 AM #8
08-31-2013, 06:54 AM #9
- Join Date
- Jan 2008
- Currituck, North Carolina, United States
this is sad/ I have faced my self wanting one of these......now after reading this I just assume to work it out. It cost's less emotionally and finacially, she's a good girl but some times......LOL anyways GOOD LUCK
08-31-2013, 08:34 PM #10
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