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  1. #1
    Nothin' runs like a Deere IowanGPR's Avatar
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    Unhappy serious, in depth question.

    My history.

    I grew up on a farm, mom/dad/younger sister. My parents divorced when I was 10 and I moved to the city w/ my sister and mom, came to dad's on the weekends. 2 years later my dad stopped seeing me and my sister, continued paying child support but had nothing to do with us. I finally called him my SR year of HS and talked. My sister had small involvement and never got too close with him yet.


    OK... my current situation:
    I live w/ him now... work for him and help operate business funcitons around here. She is now engaged and living with her boyfriend about 60 miles away. She has recently started meeting with us more often, going to dinner/lunch. She also brought her fiance down for Easter. They're not queit comfortable to be alone together but getting there I think. We dont see her but once a month or so, but its nice they actually are seeing each other. there are no bitter feelings about the gap in the relationship, but just uncomfortable feelings i think. he has recently helped her with paying for things for the wedding. ( $3000 ) I feel like the middle man between them because they do not speak on the phone, she has called to tell him happy birthday but she left a message on VM.

    Ok, those of you still with me, my problem.


    she wants me to walk her down the isle at the wedding. mostly because I was there for her as a big brother all of those years we lived in hardship w/ mom. Now, I feel as if my dad would like to take part in that... just on tradition's side. I dont want it to be akward for him if I were to be the one to do it, as it may bring attention that he's not important and I don't want him to feel that way. our dad has worked very hard to regain a relationship with her... and I feel its going well. In my opinion... I would be honored to do it for her because I do feel I helped her a lot. My dad is a very easy going guy, very hard to make him mad/ upset.


    Dads, Brothers, Mothers, please help me out.... HOW SHOULD I FEEL ABOUT THIS? should I worry about my dad's feelings? Of course I do naturally but I'm trying to predict his reaction if she were to pick me to do it. as of right now she is undecided. I'm just worried about hurting someone. either my sister or him or my mother.

    Please no sarcasm/jokes/insensativity as this is a very serious subject for me. Heck, I trust you guys to help me with my jetski, why not real life problems i've got?


    Thanks all and sorry for the punctuation. I typed it quickly and gotta run!


    Ben


    FYI wedding is september 1st this year.


  2. #2
    Banned User
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    Its her wedding, therefore, she is calling the shots...If she feels she wants you to walk her down the aisle, then you must do it. I suggest not to force her hand into any direction, let her decide. Its a tough choice for her, but only she can make it...

    As for your father, their relationship will continue to evolve in the next 4-5 months before the wedding...She COULD change her mind.


    Whatever happens, its HER decision...its HER day.


    When the day comes for your wedding, you will find that a lot of people would want things to happen they way they see fit...but ultimately its YOUR wedding day, and what YOU want is what will happen.

  3. #3
    My son (mohawk man) jeffsntx's Avatar
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    Ben, I think you really need to sit down and talk to your sister about the situation she would be putting you in. After you talk to your sister, the three of you should sit down and just discuss the reasoning and feelings about the situation and make sure that everyone understands each other. I would not think that your dad would be upset as long as he understood how she felt and the reasoning behind it.


    Thats my .02

  4. #4
    Island Hopper TM1's Avatar
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    You are obviously close to your sister, why not ask if she would consider splitting the duties? You walk her half way and your father the rest? Or just talk it over with your dad and see exactly how he feels...he may surprise you, age brings wisdom to many.

  5. #5
    steach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danny View Post
    Its her wedding, therefore, she is calling the shots...If she feels she wants you to walk her down the aisle, then you must do it. I suggest not to force her hand into any direction, let her decide. Its a tough choice for her, but only she can make it...

    As for your father, their relationship will continue to evolve in the next 4-5 months before the wedding...She COULD change her mind.


    Whatever happens, its HER decision...its HER day.


    When the day comes for your wedding, you will find that a lot of people would want things to happen they way they see fit...but ultimately its YOUR wedding day, and what YOU want is what will happen.
    Danny, that was perfect.

    You should be extreamly honored that she asked you. Step up to the plate and support her completely.

  6. #6
    96XPSS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by steach View Post
    Danny, that was perfect.

    You should be extreamly honored that she asked you. Step up to the plate and support her completely.
    I agree 100% too. This is coming from a son that his parent's divorced when he was 10, left us in GA and moved back to Ohio. I saw him once or twice a year, could never depend on him for even a phone call on my birthday. My best friend was my best man at my first wedding, and my dad was there. He may have been hurt, but he understood, just as your dad is going to understand. No biggie. You've been there for her, he hasn't, and everyone knows it. Just a reality for bailing on your kids. Remember it, and when you have kids, divorce or married...never bail on yours.

  7. #7
    I'm kind of a big deal SeanCucf's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    to the effect that it's her day....that's correct. her choice. however, perhaps a suggestion that you BOTH walk her down the isle at the same time. THERE ARE NO RULES IN WEDDINGS. We got caught up in what we SHOULD do and it took us a while to realize you do what ever you want at your wedding.

    Is it that she DOESN'T want him to walk her, or that she WANTS you? You have to remember it's just ONE day(by no means repeat that to her!...lol). If she has no objections to you both walking her down the isle then do so. To include your father in this moment, I beleive would go a LONG way to mending a "broken" relationship. The small things always mean the most. So much as it's HER day(and don't forget this VERY important fact!), in this situation, a walk down the isle may mean more to them growing closer.

    I would find a way to have both of you do it. Perhaps mentioning it to her fiance and having his input would be good also.

    Just to be clear....these are ideas to be planted....debating with a bride may very well be the last thing you do...lol

  8. #8
    Nothin' runs like a Deere IowanGPR's Avatar
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    thanks all for your suggestions. The last time I spoke with her I made it clear that it was her choice and she has ultimate say. I'm not trying to change her mind.... just trying to come to some kind of terms with how I should handle it. I would be very very very honored if she has me do it- even half way. I did talk to her fiance about it for a few minutes. He said that he thinks my dad should do it, but hadn't talked to her much about reasons she wants me to. I can't really tell weather she doesn't want him to do it/ or if she just wants me to do it. I appreciate every single word everyone has said. This has been on my mind 99% of everyday. Not torturing me but just anxious and tyring to find how I really feel.

    I also agree that my dad would understand if he wasn't chosen, but in the same sense I see that it would go a long way in mending the relationship some, which is what I would like to see. "it" will be here before we know it and I just want to get it right.

    There is no "correct" way to hold a wedding, and of course everyone has their own little personalizations to each ceremony. I do feel a bit at more ease now that I see his knowledge will help him understand, he knows exactly what has happened in life but has also worked very hard to regain what relationship has been lost.

    Ben

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