Thread: Calling in sick
03-06-2008, 09:20 PM #1
Calling in sick
I laughed so hard when I read this
all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway,
because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I
had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had
given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
the new acquisition was no problem.
one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife,
Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal
is dead again. Please come reset it."
know where the button is," I protested through the shower
steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted..
"What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
There was a
meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged
nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my
head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I
It struck without warning, and without any
respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me
into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the
fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been
poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at
the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all
rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a
violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or
flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight"
option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into
the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the
paramedics stood over me.
Now there are not many things in this life
worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of
a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all
snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to
suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the
office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my
head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your
If they only knew!
is it that only the women laugh at this?
03-06-2008, 09:25 PM #2
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
- Odessa, TX
03-06-2008, 10:34 PM #3
Frikkin hilarious. I hate cats. If that happened to me, kitty would go in the garbage disposal.
03-06-2008, 10:56 PM #4
03-07-2008, 06:10 AM #5
03-07-2008, 12:33 PM #6
Dude, great story! Not what I expected when I opened the thread. I hear you on calling in sick, never comfortable.
I don't mind cats, but if he so much as eyed my little nutty buddies, I would bunt him into another area code....really i would.
03-07-2008, 12:58 PM #7
03-07-2008, 01:17 PM #8
03-07-2008, 04:03 PM #9
03-07-2008, 04:19 PM #10
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