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  1. #1
    Moderator RX951's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    League City, Texas

    Talking 39 things you should have learnt by now...

    39 things you should have learnt by now...

    1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
    same night.

    2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

    3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a
    garage makes you a car.

    4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

    5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried

    6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

    7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

    8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

    9. For every action, there is an equal and
    opposite government program.

    10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

    11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

    12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

    13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

    14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

    15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

    16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.

    17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change

    18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

    19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
    before you need it.

    20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

    21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when
    you make it again.

    22. By the time you can make ends
    meet, they move the ends.

    23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

    24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

    25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.

    26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not
    achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be

    27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental

    28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want
    you to share yours with them.

    29. You should not confuse your career with your life. AGAIN You should not
    confuse your career with your life.

    30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

    31. Never lick a steak knife.

    32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

    33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
    compelling reason
    why we put the clocks back.

    34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that
    you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her
    at that moment.

    35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a
    big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

    36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
    religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we
    ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

    37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

    38. Your friends love you anyway.

    39 . Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built
    the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Rotterdam,NY & Moneta, VA
    man a lot of those were pretty funny.

  3. #3
    superdave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Indianapolis, Indiana, United States
    Quote Originally Posted by stingray152003 View Post
    man a lot of those were pretty funny.
    I think this thread is more about education than humor Lets try and stay on topic

  4. #4
    YoYamma's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Central Florida
    Good stuff, thanks for posting!

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