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Thread: Ponderisms

  1. #1
    Moderator RX951's Avatar
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    Apr 2005
    League City, Texas


    I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

    * Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

    * The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

    * Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

    * There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

    * Life is sexually transmitted.

    * Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

    * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    * Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

    * Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

    * Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

    * Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

    * All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

    * In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    * How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

    * Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

    * Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

    * Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    * If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

    * If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    * If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    * Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    * Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

    * Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

    Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

    * Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

  2. #2
    Happily Self-Employed WFO's Avatar
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    Nov 2005
    Houston, Texas

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